Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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