I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
