he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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