i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
So here I am, sexting at work.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
