Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
