I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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