If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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