For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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