You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
