i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
