just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
