Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
