I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
