he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
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you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
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Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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