She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
