I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
3 2 1 whiskey
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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