So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
