5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
