You're completely useless in the revolution.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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