Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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