The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
