Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
