We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
