I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
