I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
