Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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