i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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