My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
