If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
