Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
