How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
my liver is dry heaving
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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