Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
