I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize