hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
