You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
