Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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