Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
