Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
only you would photoshop your dick
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
