I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
