I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
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I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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