I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
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bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
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Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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