it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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