Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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