The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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