i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
