Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
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The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize