did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
