from now on my penis is your penis
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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