rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
