just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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