she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would ride that face into the sunset
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize