I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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