Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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