Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
