i don't like sucking hair
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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