would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
