wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i dont even know how to be here
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
