My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
