Your mouth is God's brothel.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
