Yo dont text me then not text me
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
