you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
