I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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