yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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