how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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