either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I stole a fireplace last night.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
