went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
