dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
