im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Randomize
