My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
My vagina is officially offended.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
