did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
